Baby Tips for Dads by Simon Brett

By Simon Brett

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Signs your partner is spending too much time with the baby: She cuts up the food of the person next to her at a dinner party. 30 Always agree: When your partner says your baby is prettier/more intelligent/more advanced than anyone else’s baby. 31 Always agree: That your baby looks exactly like whichever relative happens to be in the room at any given moment. 32 33 Always agree: With your mother-in-law. Well, at least try! Unless of course you’re in the room when your partner and mother-in-law are discussing childcare and want you to take sides.

31 Always agree: That your baby looks exactly like whichever relative happens to be in the room at any given moment. 32 33 Always agree: With your mother-in-law. Well, at least try! Unless of course you’re in the room when your partner and mother-in-law are discussing childcare and want you to take sides. In that case, go down the pub. 34 35 Always agree: With your partner’s views on childcare (so long as they don’t involve you doing too much). 36 Daddy Do’s and Don’ts 37 Under no circumstances be heard to say any of the following (you’ll regret it if you do): The baby’s going to have to fit into our routine.

47 Try to see things from your baby’s point of view. Then you will understand that: The sole purpose of your hair is to have babyfood mashed into it. 48 49 Try to see things from your baby’s point of view. Then you will understand that: The sole purpose of your clothes is to be puked over. 50 51 Your baby regards it as a solemn duty to stop you from doing any of the following: Forgetting for a moment that you have a baby. 52 53 Your baby regards it as a solemn duty to stop you from doing any of the following: Getting its clothes on.

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